The Creative Domain: Control

In this issue we’ll discuss the fourth component of the Creative Domain of Wellness which is how the ways we conceptualize and manage control in our lives affects our overall wellbeing.  

Control is a broad term.  The dictionary references the ability to exercise restraint or direct influence over someone or something or to check, test, or verify something, such as in an experiment.³  With regards to wellness and self-care the first definition is more applicable.  

As humans we experience anxiety when we feel we can’t control ourselves, others, or our environment.  If we’re afraid our child will engage in activity at a party that we won’t approve of and can’t control, we will worry and may try to control the child.  If we believe we are being treated unfairly, we may attempt to try to control the environment or others to take back control of how we are being treated.  This makes perfect sense but rarely works!  Why? 

The simple answer is one that most people don’t often consider.  Let me give you a task: Make a list of what you currently have control over?

Your list should only contain one item which is 1)  My response.  This is because in reality, we do not control any aspect of our lives.  We cannot control any external circumstances.  We can be hurt, mistreated, insulted, treated well, or killed at any time.  This is a frightening reality that is difficult for some people to face.  It is much easier to convince ourselves that we can control situations and others.  We do this in a misguided attempt to cope with the anxiety that this reality causes.  

As an anxiety sufferer I had to find a solution to come to terms with this reality in my own life.  What I discovered was the concept of Locus of Control.  Locus of control refers to how a person determines where and how the power that controls their life comes from.  
Someone with an external locus of control will likely have a tendency to blame fate or luck and other external sources as the cause of their successes or failures.  Conversely, those with an internal locus of control are likely to assume responsibility for successes and failures and will actively look for resources to help them maintain as much control as possible over these circumstances.⁴ 

Locus of control is on a continuum, so most people experience both aspects at some level.  Problems often occur when a person attempts to blame problems on others or outside circumstances and loses sight of what they can do and how they may be contributing to the issue.  Because individuals with a more external focus feel less control over their fate, this can lead to higher levels of depression and anxiety.²  

One of the best and most extreme examples of this that I share with clients and students is that of Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor.  In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, he related how he watched his fellow captives suffer around him and give in to the brutality, suffering, and horror of the experience.  He wrote about how they adopted what we now call a “victim’s stance.”  A victim’s stance is when an individual has the perception that they are powerless to circumstances or the actions of another which can lead to feelings of helplessness and blaming others for their problems.  One of Frankl’s most famous quotes is “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”¹

Less extreme examples could include having someone say something unkind to you or even receiving a terminal medical diagnosis.  You, in that moment, have the opportunity to choose to either give control to the source and become hurt, upset, and anxious, or choose an internal approach and understand that there is a space between a stimulus (whatever happened that upset you) and your response.  In that space you have the power to choose your response.  You could choose in the first example to believe in yourself and wonder what would cause the other person to say such a thing, and in the second example you could choose to see each remaining day as an opportunity to live as richly and fully as possible or to see each day as a countdown.  In each response lies despair and fear or the opportunity for growth and freedom¹.